Lucky you.

You woke up today. You're breathing. Your kids are alive. You're alive. You have a place to live. You have enough food to sustain you. You are free. You are loved. You are.

I wake up almost every day thinking this same thing. It's part of my life practice.

I have this dear friend who has seen me in bitter days ... the days shortly after losing my daughter ... the days after losing my job ... the days after losing my flipping mind ... and she always said I had emotional work to do. I had pain I had to let go and work through. In the immediate moment when those words escaped her mouth, I wanted to punch her in hers. I wanted to think I had it all together and that I was not a mess or struggling or anything abnormal. I wanted to think that I was fine. I wanted to think it so bad that I truly thought I was. But how could I be? I had 36 years of stuff I had to release. I had never released anything. Nothing. In my whole life, I never released a damn thing. Now my daughter just passed away, and I lost my job to some strangers in India. I spent most of my 20s and early 30s partying way too much to know anything was wrong...until I did notice. I was confused as to who I was and who I was meant to be. And now I have emotional work? Emotional work .... what the hell is that? I had no idea. But I was about to find out.

In the days surrounding my daughter's open heart surgery, I had a lot of family struggles. It was almost as hard on me as my daughter's heart defect was. Then I met this friend (you know...the one I wanted to punch), and she changed my life. Lots of people changed my life, but this is where I feel there was a true definitive turning point. For some reason, I talked to her. I talked to her like she was a therapist. I felt like she was a soul sister. I went to her place of business to find a job, and I left with a life change (and a job!). In a time where I lost my first child, didn't feel like I could talk to many of my "friends", struggled with family issues, and didn't know why the hell this happened to me; I turned to a stranger. That stranger is now one of my greatest friends and allies.

Sometimes things happen that make no sense. And sometimes the sense comes later. But during the journey, we meet people. You never know when or where they are going to show up, and they often show up at the least expected times. But they show. You know why? Because you have a path. Because I have a path. And our paths are meant to cross exactly when they finally do.

I spent 3 years emotionally releasing. I meditated. I practiced yoga (and cried in savasana almost every time). I saw healers and reiki masters. I didn't talk to many people. I just released. Ugh. Pain came out. It came out hard. But I was left with such clarity, it allowed me to finally live.

Why do I say all this? Because, had I never lost my daughter or that job or both, I would not have met this person. And this person is the one friend who has been 100% honest with me and told me when I was being a total douche. When I was completely engulfed in ego. And what I needed to do to get out of it. The best advice anyone's ever given to me, came from her. She told me to practice gratitude. That is when I finally realized what emotion I was left holding onto. I noticed every thought, and replaced it with gratitude. And holy smokes, did I have to replace a LOT of thoughts.

Gratitude. It is a lovely word. It really is. And I remember the morning after talking to her ... waking up angry at the world and what it handed me, and thinking "okay gratitude....I'm mad. But I'm going to try you out. Thank you for shining the sun today. Thank you for my children. Thank you for somehow bringing us money, even though I just lost my job. Thank you for figuring it out for me. Just thank you for providing." And what I noticed was that the more I went on with the "thank yous", the less angry I became. And I swear that shit worked like a charm. Within 24 hours, things were coming to us. Provisions out of nowhere. It just happened.

So, I kept doing it. I was manifesting the crap out of my jobless life. My kids needed summer clothes. I put it into the universe one night, and then BAM, the next day (I'm not lying. Ask my hubby. It's insane) some random house my husband was working on had these two angel ladies bring two bags of clothes and toys for my kids from Kohls. It must have cost $200+. They just met my husband and went shopping for my kids. Strangers did that. I gave back a thank you note and promised to pay it forward, one day, when I could...in some way.

The manifesting will be in a different post. But I wanted to talk about gratitude. It's something that escapes us in this busy life. But it's oh oh oh so uber important and magical. When you practice it, it manifests your life. Not the dull parts, but the sparkly rainbow parts that make you feel like a kid again. It brings magic to the day and keeps you glowing from the inside out. So, Rebecca Reynolds Wallack, thank you for being a mentor in my life. I began this post, not knowing I was going to talk about you, but I am. Because you're a person who, with love, altered my life. I know there are a TON of people to thank in my life, and I promise to get to all of you! But the change in my life started with my daughter and then Rebecca. So, I found it fitting to begin this blog with the major changing points of my life.

For anyone who doesn't know Rebecca, she's an amazing health coach, raw foodie, thai massage therapist, tuning fork afficionado and a friend. Check her out. Full Circle Wellness With Rebecca

 

Rebecca tuning my babies with her incredible tuning fork talents. Look how enthralled they are!

6 month old, Nova, completely zenning out to the vibrations.

Namaste, y'all!