Children of Men

"Children of Men".  Have you seen this movie? It's a story about future mankind's inability to reproduce due to gene mutation. In the movie, one woman gets pregnant and has to be brought to a safe space to bear her child. It's an eerie movie with a seemingly unrealistic plot. Or is it?

What if I told you this is where mankind is heading, faster than we every thought ... or haven't thought of at all.

When our first child was born with a severe heart defect, we were told it was not our fault. We were told that sometimes flukes happen and there was nothing we could have done to prevent it. Of course, that answer wasn't good enough for me. Humans don't "fluke" when absorbing the right nutrients. Something in me or my husband was off and created a child with a heart defect big enough to take her life. And I have never rested in search of this answer.

One of our last "good" days with Kaia before her open heart surgery.

My quest for health has exploded into a completely different me. It had to. How could I ever stay the same, when my first born didn't make it into her second month of life?

Me holding Kaia several weeks after open heart surgery and a few days before she passed.

In the 5 years since Kaia's passing, I've done almost one year straight of cleansing, had two more children, cut out top allergen foods (such as gluten, dairy, corn, soy, etc.) and began a huge spiritual journey that has brought some really amazing people into my life.

Finn & Nova, Kaia's "little" siblings and the reason for my intense passion for a healthier life and planet.

This journey has been tough. When I started, I was considered a bit of an odd ball. "Normal" people didn't eat the way I do, and they certainly didn't meditate. Over time, the people that surrounded me got replaced by people walking a similar lifestyle to mine. People searching for truth in their food, body products, environment, spirit and life path. With my new teachers in place, information started flowing into me at an overwhelming rate.

And here I sit with my newest nugget of information "MTHFR gene mutation". What is it? Why is it being brought to my attention? Even after my diet changes and spiritual growth, I live with an extremely slow heartrate, metabolism, bvitamin malabsorption, mental fog, and food sensitivities. My gluten and dairy intolerances are directly linked to MTHFR. I've spent the last 3 months in intense medical testing with 5 different specialists, ranging from neurologists, to hematologists to allergists to gastrointerologists to endocrinologists, etc. Not one has had an answer for me. But not one has brought up this gene mutation that affects up to 60% of the population either. With this mutation, you are unable to utilize certain b vitamins correctly. This results in the entire body being "off" in countless ways. Ways in which I was able to check my way all the way down the extensive list. It takes a simple supplement to correct your system. Yet not one doctor brought it up. Not only that, but if most of the population has it, shouldn't we all be genetically tested? Wouldn't that save us all countless prescriptions, mental health disorders, physical problems, digestive problems, reproductive problems? Oh but where's the money in that? There is no money in health management for our corrupt medical system. So, I'm always about getting to the core issue yourself. Empower yourself to do so. Had I known of this mutation, Kaia might still be here. Heart defects in babies are a pretty good sign that mom or dad or both carry that gene mutation.

Why am I talking about all of this? Well, with this mutation, the liver can't function at full effectiveness.

"I believe the MTHFR gene mutation is a highly significant public health problem that is completely ignored. Yet, millions are suffering from pulmonary embolisms, addictions, fibromyalgia, miscarriages, schizophrenia, severe depression, cancer and autism to name a few."  -http://mthfr.net

When the liver can't detox toxins and heavy metals properly, you have multiple gene mutations that can form from it. These get passed onto your children. Our children are only as healthy as we are when we are carrying them. With that knowledge, and the American diet of processed foods, toxic laden toothpastes and body products, poisonous cleaning products, pollution filled air, no free time to meditate or relax the mind, substance abuse and addiction, over stressing, social media addiction, the need for constant verification of ourselves through others, mindless tv watching and zero attention left to discover and live our true self and most divine purpose ... well, are we so far off from "Children of Men"? Probably not. Each generation is getting weaker with more gene mutations, autism, cancer rates, mental health disorders, etc. And are we are sometimes too busy eating processed food and filtering our selfies to pay attention to it? We have a world of knowledge at our fingertips now, and sometimes our paths open up our minds to learning things we never could fathom. I'm glad to share my lessons with you and hope that some of you resonate with them.

Maybe we can all take a moment today and look within. Take some time away from the distractions that pull us away from the core purpose of our individual lives. Lay down the resentment, anger, stress, and replace with gratitude and acceptance. Some days I put my phone in a place I can't get to it, so I'm not tempted to even look at social media. This is my journey to get to the core of it all. MTHFR is just a part of the HUGE picture. And the  less distractions I allow, the closer I get to the truth that sets this woman free. After all, if my mind and body are not free, then how can I be completely happy? And if I'm not completely happy, how can I give my children the gift of happiness?

Lots of love to you all today, wherever you are in your own journies. We are all in this together. I got your backs!

To be tested for the MTHFR gene mutation, please visit the most accurate and informative testing site and order from there at https://www.23andme.com

What to do with your butts

I think every post I ever write unveils just how deep my frugality goes. Is frugality even a word? It is today. I'll make this one quick, because I now a ton of you are waiting for this cauliflower alfredo recipe. But I had to share this one to get to that one. You'll see why soon enough.

So, you know I'm always telling you to save all parts of your veggies. I love giving you all sorts of ways to use them, throwing very little away. I'm like the Native Americans ... only with veggies instead of buffalo. I can say that, being as I am part Native American. Maybe that's where I get this need to use every bit of everything? Any schnitzel, I specifically remember mentioning to keep a bag in your freezer in which you throw all your bits and pieces, day after day. Kind of like this.

My current stash of frozen bits

If you forget me telling you that (or if I forgot to tell you that but think that I did), then here's what I mean. When you have bits of veggie stuff that you'd typically throw out or compost, toss it in a freezer bag instead. Here's some examples:

Cauliflower leaves? ... throw them in the bag.

Onion skins? ... Yep, they are super full of nutrition and add a fab flavor to any veggie stock.

Garlic skins? ... Just like onions, they are perfect for this!

Don't forget to keep and freeze parsley/herb stems, carrot tips, etc! Once your bag is full, it might look a little like this.

Ready for stock!

Now, toss all those frozen bits and pieces in a soup/stock pot. Cover it with filtered water. Bring it to a boil. Let simmer for a few hours. I like to add some salt and spices (salt, cayenne, herbs). Drain through a nut milk bag or just a colander. Now you have veggie stock for rice, soups, etc. I freeze in one cup portions in my deep freeze, so they are always measured and ready for any recipe! This comes in super handy ... like tonight when I made curry and needed some stock on-hand!

So, go make some stock so you can create this amazeballs alfredo I'm going to share with you.

Namasté!
Steph

When life gives you cauliflower, make reubens.

Nom nom nom. 

Monster cauliflower! Sweet pie pumpkins! Hearty kale! Oh my! Locally grown loveliness is bountiful as our CSA for 2014 is still going strong. In fact, despite the cold weather, we've been getting more veggies than this entire season! And they are beautiful.

Last week we got these massive cauliflower heads. It had big leaves attached, which I had to remove just to get it in my bag so I could get it home. I'm sure everyone has a million things they can do with cauliflower: Roasted with turmeric, raw cauliflower spanish rice (thank you Lori for bringing this to my attention!), roasted cauliflower & garlic soup, steamed cauliflower with garlic "butter". So, I'm not going to talk about the part of cauliflower that you typically eat. I'm here to talk about those leaves I cut off. 

We are always so quick to disgard leaves. But, when you think about it, lettuce is leaves. Kale is leaves. Chard is leaves. Collards are leaves. And if you can eat those, you can eat cauliflower or broccoli leaves. They are in the exact family as kale, you know. 

I've been known to fill & roll them with some soaked and cooked black beans, avocado and tomato and lightly sauté in a pan. Or just use them as a wrap for your sandwich. They are extremely low in calories, unbelievably high in nutrients and minerals and help you (and me) look younger than our years. Greens are the fountain of youth ... both inside and out. So, throwing them out is not an option for me. Here's a quick idea for lunch this week. Put the turkey sandwich down (I'm talking to you, my husband). Open your mind & your mouth. Taste the goodness.

Reubens, revisited

Vegan reuben: Plant based, full of probiotics & enzymes, vitamins, minerals and protein.

INGREDIENTS

• Cauliflower leaves
• Grain free tempeh (this is literally the only way I will eat soy products ... fermented)
• Real sauerkraut (I make this myself. It's super easy!)
• Homemade Thousand Island (I literally will just mix mayo/vegenaise with organic ketchup and relish or homemade chopped pickles). Alternatively, you can use Hummus or Tahini, which I also LOVE.
• (Optional) Wilted spinach leaves

STEPS

• Trim center stalk out of leaves.
• Lightly brown tempeh in a cast iron skillet.
• Roll spinach leaves in your hands until they are wilted and soft.
• Place tempeh, spinach & sauerkraut in your leaf & top with thousand island, hummus or tahini. 
• Roll the leaf around the goodies & eat your heart healthy.

Trim the tough center vein out of the leaf & toss that vein in your freezer for veggie stock later.

Add the tempeh, sauce, sauerkraut & wilted spinach. 

It looks divine and your cells (and energy levels) will say "thank you". 

 I can't talk while my mouth is being stuffed full of deliciousness.
Happy lunching!

Break(fast) outside the box.

If you haven't noticed, I just took a little hiatus. The fam and I went on a little extended vacation to the East Coast. We always go to the beach the third week of September, when all the kids are back in school (except mine), the rates are cheaper (you know I love that), and the weather is a perfect low-mid 80s with bath water temperature ocean water. The only thing I don't like about taking vacation that week, is that it seems we leave Ohio in summer weather and come back to 50 degree fall weather. I don't know how this happens in a 1-2 week window, but it does. So, we go from sweaty sunny beach days to ... fall.

Now, I'm not anti fall. I'm not. I'm anti winter and spring. If fall went straight back into summer, well, I think I would never complain about anything ever again. Fall is cozy. I want to light candles all day, diffuse earthy essential oils and wrap up in a blanket and a good book with a cup of nettles tea and a bowl of pumpkin fauxtmeal.

What?

Yes, pumpkin fauxtmeal.

I never intended for this blog to be all about food, and, trust me, it won't be. But I do love food and spend probably more than half my life creating it. Which makes it natural for me to have a lot to say about it. And I think we get caught up in food ruts. So, I like to share different ways of doing the same old ... same old. Now, ditch that lectin filled oatmeal and give this a try. You will be deliciously excited. Your digestion will thank you. And your cells will be full of immune boosting vitamins and antioxidants. (Flu shot, who?). I've had this for breakfast every morning, and it's time I stop being stingy and let you in on my morning indulgence (is it still an indulgence if it's much lower in calories than oatmeal and very high in nutrition? Probably not, but your taste buds will never know).

Can I get a spoon high five?

Finished fauxtmeal with ceylon cinnamon, chia seeds and coconut milk on top.

INGREDIENTS

• 1 Pie Pumpkin (or acorn squash, butternut squash, alternative winter squash)
• 1/4-1/2 cup shredded coconut (more or less depending on preference)
• 3 Tbsp coconut oil (or butter, earth balance, etc.)
• 1 Tsp cinnamon
• Big pinch of sea salt
• Pinch nutmeg
• Sweetener of choice (I used coconut nectar and stevia together, but honey, maple syrup, coconut sugar would all work deliciously too!)
• Toppings of choice (chia seeds, hemp seeds, pumpkin seeds, raisins, cranberries, etc.) 

STEPS

• Heat oven to 400. 

• Half the pumpkin, scoop out the seeds (throw them out or roast them), and place (cut side down) in a baking dish with 1/2" of water in the bottom of the pan. 

• Roast in 400 degree oven for 20 minutes (or until a fork will go through the skin). 

• While this is cooking, melt coconut oil (or butter) with sweetener (the amount will vary depending on what you use) and spices/salt.

• Once pumpkin is soft, flip it so cut side is now up. Drizzle with the melted mixture of oil, sugar and spices and put back in the oven (still cut side up) for another 20 minutes. 

• Once pumpkin is a nice golden color, remove from the skin and puree in a blender or vitamin (I've even used my bullet blender). 

Blended roasted pumpkin, ready for the fixins!

You can use the shredded coconut as is, or you can toast it. Toasting it gives it a warm nutty flavor that is unmistakeable to coconut. I'm a big fan. The coconut also gives it the "oatmeal" texture. So, add more or less, depending on your preference. Too much might make it a little chewier. So, start with less and work your way up through taste testing. 

Warm toasted coconut.

• Stir about half the amount (depending on your appetite and the size) of the pumpkin in with the toasted coconut. Taste for seasoning and add more spices/sweetener to your liking. Top with chia or pumpkin seeds, coconut milk, a dash of cinnamon, maybe some raisins. Sit back and enjoy!

• Save the leftover pumpkin for tomorrow! But be sure to keep the coconut separate as to keep it's slightly crunchy texture. 

Your pumpkin will be too much for one meal.
So, save the pureed pumpkin in the fridge, and heat up in a pan tomorrow morning! 

This week, I roasted one acorn squash and a pie pumpkin, pureed it and kept it in the fridge. It's fed me for 4 mornings so far, and I still have another serving for tomorrow. Not bad for $2, which was the total I paid for the squashes at the local market. And the pumpkin, cinnamon, raw honey, coconut are all cold and flu bug fighters. So ... breakfast for the win!

Now can I get that spoon high five?

Youponing: Cleaning products

That better not be chemicals in that bottle, missy! 

If people knew how easy it was to make your own cleaners and how dangerous the chemicals are in the grody chemical ones, then not one cleaner would be for sale at your local chain store. Not one. That stuff goes down the drain. Then we drink it. Um, gross. 

Did you know that since WWII, at least 75,000 new synthetic chemical compounds have been developed and released into the environment? Did you know that there is a wealth of evidential proof linking cancer to environmental contamination? Breast cancer rates are 30 times higher in the US than in Africa. 80% of all cancers are attributed to environmental influences. In short … drumroll … we are giving ourselves cancer. 

No bueno, folks!

You may not know it, but many of these cancer causing chemicals are used just to clean your house. Did you ever wonder why you have a bit of a sore throat if you use bleach to clean your bathroom? Or your eyes and skin burn when using such cleaners? Cleaning chemicals suspend in the air for hours and even days, and are easily inhaled. Just like a laboratory, when different chemicals come together when cleaning they can create entirely new toxic substances. This is why the air in our homes is 5 times more toxic than the air outside. Bet you never thought that was possible! It doesn't disappear when it goes down the drain either. It's forever in our water supply. There is no such thing as throwing anything "away".

The companies that make your cleaning products aren't required to list their ingredients because they are considered trade secrets. So, I'll list them for you, but I'll only list a small fraction of them. Alkyl phenoxy polyethoxy ethanols-laundry detergent (stimulate the growth of breast cancer cells), ammonia (causes bronchial damage, chemical burns & corneal damage), Benzene-class cleaners/all purpose cleaners & disinfectants (carcinogen made from petroleum and coal), Butyl Cellosolve-all purpose cleaners & cleansers (irritates mucous membranes and causes liver and kidney damage), Chlorine-bleach/diswasher detergent/scouring powders (causes reproductive, endocrine and immune system disorders. In all bleach action cleaners.), Dioxane-window cleaners (hazardous air pollutant and supresses the immune system)...the list goes on and on.

There are plenty of eco-friendly cleaners out there. If you're local to NEO, Green Clean makes a killer product and is now available at Heinen's. If not, Seventh Generation makes some great all-purpose cleaners. Use a micro-fiber for dusting, and you will not need any dusting spray. Use newspaper and water as a glass cleaner. It's a great way to recycle your newspaper, and it's an excellent no-streak cleaner! Steer clear of products that claim to be green (ahem … I'm talking to you, you big toxic bleach company!) but still contain some unnatural ingredients and are owned by one of the largest producers of chemical laden cleaning products, only to jump on the "green bandwagon" for the sake of the mighty dollar.

If you're looking to save some green yourself, make your own products! We make our own, and they work just as good (if not better) than any of the $4/bottle chemical products out there. We make them for pennies! Buy a couple of spray bottles, and here are some recipes:

SIMPLE RECIPES
We use these three recipes for EVERYTHING!

CLEANSER (replaces comet or bon-ami): Baking soda.....that's it....just baking soda. We use it on our tub and it works great! Add a smidge of vinegar for foaming action. To make a cream cleanser, add a dab of liquid dish soap. I use baking soda with my vinegar spray (to disinfect) and a few drops of Dr. Bronner's to make it a creamy, grime fighting germ killer!

SPRAY CLEANER-ALL PURPOSE: Equal parts white vinegar & water and a few drops your choice of essential oil. We like lavender and/or peppermint oils and sometimes even mix them.

FURNITURE POLISH:
1/2 teaspoon oil, such as olive (or jojoba, a liquid wax)
1/4 cup vinegar or fresh lemon juice
Mix the ingredients in a glass jar. Dab a soft rag into the solution and wipe onto wood surfaces. Cover the glass jar and store indefinitely.

ADVANCED RECIPES
LAVENDER SPRAY CLEANER (GREAT FOR BATHROOMS!):
Mix together in a 4 Cup (or larger) Wide Mouth Jar with Lid then pour into spray bottle.
* 2 Cups of Baking Soda
* 1/8 Cup Liquid Castile Soap
* 25 drops lavender essential oil
* 15 drops tea tree essential oil
* 1 1/4 Cups Water

CREAMY SOFT SCRUBBER:
Simply pour about 1/2 cup of baking soda into a bowl, and add enough liquid detergent to make a texture like frosting. Scoop the mixture onto a sponge, and wash the surface. This is the perfect recipe for cleaning the bathtub because it rinses easily and doesn’t leave grit.
Note: Add 1 teaspoon of vegetable glycerin to the mixture and store in a sealed glass jar, to keep the product moist. Otherwise just make as  much as you need at a time.

ALL-PURPOSE SPRAY CLEANER:
1/2 teaspoon washing soda
A dab of liquid dish soap
2 cups hot tap water
Combine the ingredients in a spray bottle and shake until the washing soda has dissolved. Apply and wipe off with a sponge or rag.

We have the earth in our hands. We have our children and grandchildren's future in our hands. 

The best thing we can do for ourselves is to be informed. Ignorance is not bliss. It leads to disease, toxic living environments and the rapid death of our rainforests and precious planet.

• Environmental facts are taken from & available to read in "The Complete Organic Pregnancy" by Deirdre Dolan & Alexandra Zissu, HarperCollinsPublishers, C 2006
• Cleaners are either my own recipes or recipes found on the internet or a combination of both 

Live free of chemical burdens, y'all! 

Steph

Youponing: DIY coconut milk

I gave up dairy years ago, in an effort to reduce inflammation in my sweet, one-time-use vessel. I never liked cow milk. I always thought the smell was off-putting. But, I did used to use soy milk for cereals and such. Fast-forward 10+ years later, and I'm off the soy too (I'll explain later). So, what's a girl to do? I love almond milk, but I do fear the dreaded PUFA over-consumption. And I am NOT about to give up my obsession with sunflower seed butter just so I can squeeze in the PUFAs in almond milk and keep my omegas balanced.

But I NEED something white and creamy for my smoothies and recipes!!!

Oh, hello coconut milk. I didn't see you there. You're so chill and easy going. I bet it was that island life you lived, wasn't it? You just slid right into my life when I needed you most and said "Ya mon, I heah for ya."

Have you ever tried coconut milk? It's darn good. But the price tag can get a bit sticky for us frugal folk. But, never fear, I'm here to show you the ways of my alter ego "Thrifty Cent". Here's my super easy peasy version for the busy mama or the just plain lazy.

First, go to Trader Joes. Almost all of their cans are BPA free, and you will pay at least 1/3rd of what you would anywhere else. There you will find these most magnificent cans of light coconut milk for 99 cents. Yep, that's less than a buck, guys!

Under a buck at Traders, y'all!  

Second, open up that bad boy and dump into a quart jar and add one can full of water to it. (Or go crazy and do twice the milk in a half gallon mason jar, like I do).

I prefer a wide mouth jar. 

Third, sprinkle in a pinch of salt and then whatever else you would like to flavor it with. I like vanilla and coconut sugar (coconut, meet coconut) or stevia. I've even made peppermint at Christmas time!

Vanilla & sea salt is always a good choice!!!

Fourth, shake, chill & enjoy.

Last, say thank you for just saving you a few bucks on coconut milk.

Someday I'll show you how to make it from scratch using the dried stuff!

Love & coconuts!
S

I throw the best pity parties around.

Image available for purchase and copyright by Etsy artist outiart. Please see https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/166985724/small-seeds-of-love?ref=market for purchase.

Spoiler alert: Some days I really suck. 

Today I had a pity party. It started this morning when both of my kids decided to cry for two hours straight, which was a carryover from last night when they decided to cry for 3 hours straight. They were exhausted after a very long weekend and nothing could calm them… the sleep they got overnight, the hugs, the bribing, the threats ... nothing. It got to a point where I had to eventually just leave them safely in one room and go sit in another by myself to breathe. That was the finger that nudged the first domino, and the rest of the day I threw myself a pity party. 

     I felt bad for myself. It was the kind of day that, if I didn't have kids, I would've sat on the couch all day with a box of Kleenex, an entire bag of chocolate chips, a bottle … scratch that ... a magnum of wine, and zero agenda. I don't know why, but I still have those days where I trick myself into thinking that it feels really good to throw an all-day-long self-pity party (worse than a two-year-old). All day I pouted and whimpered. "Life is so hard right now.". "Why don't we have more money?".  "I can't even get groceries today.". I felt like such a failure. In my life B.C. (before children ... and husband), I made (by myself) twice as much money as were bringing in right now. I remember having these pity parties then too, and I was only ONE person. Now I wonder where all that money went and how we are living on a fraction of that with 4 people. Here's the gist of the string of thoughts that went in circles in my scattered head all day long: "I don't know what to do. I have nowhere to go from here. Where can I go from here? Why aren't there more signs as to where to go? How can I even quiet my mind long enough to see any signs when I'm too stressfully busy with 2 kids, 2  businesses, freelancing jobs, housework & meal prep? It'll get better when the kids get bigger.  But will it?" I think I like to tell myself that sometimes ... "it will get easier when the kids get bigger", but in reality, what I really should be telling myself is, "it'll get better when I get bigger."

     As soon as my husband got home I left. I kind of had to. You know ... for my spirit. Have you ever had one of those days where you just can't wait to step away from your own life? Just for a minute? Just for a brief little breather that will hopefully bring you back to sanity? Well I took my brief little minute and ended up at Marc's. I left the stress at home to go to Marc's. I left one big frustration for a bigger frustration. Some of  you out-of-towners wouldn't know what Marc's is, but there are very few bigger frustrations than shopping there. It is a discount store full of groceries and everyday products and home goods, and it is a madhouse ... ALL. THE. TIME. But today it was a madhouse of a lesson. I walked in with my pocket of change, knowing I only had a certain amount to spend. I had to pick things up only to put things back down. Pick up another item ... put that back too. "Oh here comes the self pity party again", I thought. "I can't afford all this stuff I don't need at the cheapest store in town." Boo hoo. By golly, I was only there for organic sugar to brew some water kefir. But it wasn't the sugar that I was at Marc's for today, apparently. My good friend (and sometimes, adversary) universe had different plans.

     While I was at Marc's, I saw a woman with a baby. She was in front of me in the register line. I got sappy (and baby hungry) when I saw the little nugglet sleeping all snuggled up against his mommy. She was wearing him, and it always warms my heart to see a mom wearing her baby. She was humming and smiling and used WIC to buy her groceries. She seemed so grateful and content. And I was so proud to see what she bought: Lettuce, tomatoes, eggplant and fruit. Nothing was unhealthy. You don't see that a whole lot. Normally, when you're struggling financially, you try to make the dollar stretch and are forced to buy processed foods. I know this, and I completely understand. But there I was, trying to buy my box of lettuce and sugar with my pennies, just like she was, and I realized how lucky we both were to be able to buy anything healthy at all. Well played universe. I'm listening. Gratitude where gratitude is due. Thank you for my nutrient dense lettuce today.

The guy behind me was another lesson in the opposite direction. He was talking to a little boy about how he used to be single and the life of the party before he became a dad. And now that he's got a baby at home, he doesn't have any fun anymore. I couldn't imagine telling a little boy that a child changed my life from a ball of fun to a prison. Oh what that little boy must have felt. Did he feel like a burden? Did he lose some of his self worth? Uh oh, self-check … was my attitude today telling my children the same thing without literally saying it? Again universe, well played. Lesson #2 ... CHECK!

     This dichotomy in front of me and behind me moved me on the inside. I walked out of the store thinking, "How did I come here for sugar but left with such a blessed lesson? And gosh am I fortunate to even be gifted this lesson, in the first place, when I was such an asshole today.". When I got back to my car, I noticed that the truck I parked next to had a message on the window that said "Sow only seeds of love" right next to his Jack Johnson sticker. With a smile (and a feeling that this was the closure to my lesson), I said "Thanks buddy. I like Jack too. It's my favorite Pandora station." (that last part is irrelevant, but it's how my mind works). With that I realized that my entire day ... my entire day ... I did not do that. I did not sow seeds of love.  My seeds were of sadness, depression and stupidity. And it took a trip to the most annoying place in my world to make me realize that I am so blessed.

     For the rest of the day (and as long as I can remember this trip) I will try to replace my pity parties with thoughts of love. Because we really have to be careful what we're growing. We really have to be careful what we're growing, especially when we are growing our children alongside ourselves. I also realized that I am not the failure that I felt I was. If I'd have learned nothing, then I would have failed. But I'm still learning, yearning and listening … even through the chaos and the screams of my beautiful and amazing children.

And then it rained, washing all the yucky parts away.